What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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