Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
