Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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