and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude. I can hear the air.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
