one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we should paint friendship bongs
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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