You're my little dorito
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
