It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
