I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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