Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
