Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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