Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
