Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
