Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize