So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
