Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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