Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
