I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize