He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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