I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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