She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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