Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize