You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
