He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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