We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
