Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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