You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
