He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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