You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
