i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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