I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
