That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
