Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
