Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
