I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
