Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
