hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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