Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were trust falling into bushes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
