apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
