But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
