Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
