In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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