I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
