I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
