Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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