Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
