just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
