There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
