no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Say something about gay babies.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
