Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize