I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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