Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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