we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
