Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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