R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
