Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
