Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
