i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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