You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize