He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
