Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
