I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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