He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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