he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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