It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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