Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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