Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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