You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
