As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
