We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
