so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
