I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
