someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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