When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
