I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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