I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
