if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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